You Are Doing Better Than You Think You Are

Silence..... I do not understand why it is called silence because that is when my mind runs wild. That is when myself talks to myself the most so I do not call it silence. I like to call it "time alone". You know what I am talking about when I say "time alone". It is the time when your driving to work, in the shower, or at home alone. Until recently I enjoy my "time alone" because that is when I do my best thinking about different things. But lately it seems that myself has not been myself. I have always been an encourager to myself, but not lately. Lately my silence....or lack there of....has been completely overshadowed and lost by negative thoughts.

Before now I would always be confused when others had low self esteem or had negative thoughts about themselves. I would always think "just snap out of it"; however I understand now that is easier said than done. When I fill my mind with negative thoughts and lies I feel that I am a disappointment. I feel that I am a disappointment to myself, my family, friends, the student I teach, EVERYONE for that matter. It is painful. I would ask myself "how did you get to this point of thinking". Thinking like this started after an emotional struggle. Every moment I was alone I would hear the voices raging inside saying "it is your fault", "if you would not have done ___ then ____ would not have happened", "yep you are a mess up", and other CRAZY thoughts.

Have you ever been there? Please tell me I am not the only one out there! Have you ever been so hard on yourself that all you hear are negative thoughts? While at church during praise and worship you don't even have the strength to lift your hands and worship? Have you ever just lost it and started crying just thinking about all of the negativity?

One day I decided I can't live like this, but how do I snap out of this? One night, I heard a sermon titled "You Are Doing Better Than You Think". It was all about taking the DOUBT and the NEGATIVITY out of your head and telling yourself "yea but you are doing better than you think you are". So I started to practice that response. When the negative thoughts would cross my mind I would tell myself just that. After a few days I noticed a change but it was not completely gone away. That is when I opened up to my husband. Through his encouraging words day after day with my changing of mind, and begging God to help me I am making it through each day. Of course, at times the devil tries to catch me when I am down, but that is when I have to remember those three things. Pray, turn to someone who can encourage me, and remind myself "you are doing better that you think you are".

So I encourage anyone reading this that struggles with the negativity and doubt to try those three things. It is not an overnight fix, but with time you will see a change. Keep telling yourself (as I tell myself daily) YOU ARE DOING BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE! Because of God's love for me and his grace I am doing better than I think I am. I challenge you to try those three things (pray, open up to someone, and tell yourself you doing better that you think) for thirty days and you WILL see a change.

Until next time,
Makenzie